My brief flirtation with modeling and what I learnt about my inner mean girl: becoming a Vanessa Meg
A few months back I was lucky enough to be a finalist in my favourite skin care brands search for a new face. As awesome as this is, it almost didn’t happen.
When I saw the facebook post announcing that Vanessa Megan Skin Care was looking for someone to be the new face of their brand, I instantly wanted to apply. But then that little voice in my head, the one that we all have, piped up.
“Oh don’t be silly, you’re not advertising campaign material. You’ve just had a baby, you’re still carrying most of your baby weight, do you really want there to be photographic evidence, on the internet, never to be erased, documenting you not at your best? Cheek bones hidden under chub? Thick arms? Huge milk filled boobs? Let’s face it, you’re more dairy cow than super model.” *
It’s true that only four months after giving birth to my second daughter, I didn’t look like I did when I was still breast feeding my first as well as walking 3 times a week and fitting in 2 pilates classes around my active 9-5 Chiropractic job, but I still felt good. Sure my arms weren’t toned, my stomach wasn’t flat (in fact my stomach has never been flat), and I was dangerously close to having a 3rd chin, but looking in the mirror, most day’s I was happy with how I looked.
But was that enough?
After agonizing over whether to apply or not for weeks, on the very last day, after a nice long shower (I make all my important decisions in the shower) I decided, why the hell not. I took a few selfies in my bathroom, attached them to an email and sent them off. And about 3 minutes after I did, I regretted it.
The voice started again.
“Don’t expect anything back. They probably have undiscovered supermodels applying. They don’t want you.”
And maybe that was true. ** But I silenced the voice by telling it I would rather be disappointed than not give it a go and be left always wondering.
A few days later, the phone rang with the news I was a finalist. So we flew to Sydney for the photo shoot, had a great little break while we there, met some amazing people, like Vanessa Grey, the founder of Vanessa Megan, did some business, struck up some partnerships and got some cool photos, like these.
I didn’t end up winning, but that hardly matters. What matters is that I was in with a chance because I gave it a go. And if I had ever listened to that inner voice, with all her negativity, I would have never had that great Sydney trip.
And I can’t help but wonder, even though I feel great and am happy with how I look, why do I still look outside myself for validation?
We all do it. In every aspect of our lives, we look outside ourselves to others to tell us that we are beautiful, to tell us that we are doing things the correct way, that we are getting it right. We let that bitchy inner voice talk over and drown out that smaller voice of truth that tells us that we are already beautiful, that we are already on the right path and that everything we are doing is right for us. That smaller voice of reason, the one that sometimes breaks through, like it did for me in the shower when I made the decision to enter the new face competition: that is your intuition. And she, she is your truest friend. She is the one who sooths you in the middle of the night when you wake in a cold sweat, she is the one who makes you turn right when everyone else is turning left, she is the one who will always lead you on your truest path. Listen to her, above all else, nurture her and heed what she tells you because she knows what is best for you.
And above all, don’t let your inner mean girl kill your intuition.
*Let’s be honest, my inner voice is a bitch of the highest order who gives even the meanest mean girls a run for their money. I’m working on her.
**Or maybe my inner voice is just a bitchy friend who really doesn’t want to see me happy.