foster

noun

• encourage the development of (something, especially something desirable)

• bring up (a child that is not one's own by birth

"the teacher's task is to foster learning"

Episode 15 of The F Words: Difficult conversations with Dr Leandra Brady-Walker is Stepmother: Wicked Witch or Wonder Woman, you choose with Mandy.

So this one really is a chat with my girlfriend.

Mandy and I have known each other for just over a year. Our daughters are friends, our husbands are friends, we share a love of going out, good healthy food and looking pretty, We chat lots about what it is to be a mum and we have very similar ideas on how to raise children. One difference, while Mandy gave birth once, she has 3 children, two of them have a different mum and Mandy is a step-mum.

We've always talked candidly about what it is like to be a step-mum and these chats have helped me to understand and process more about people, the world around me as well as my own experiences growing up with a step-mum. I though that other people could benefit from these chats too. So I recorded one. ***Note: no wine was consumed during this recording, which is a shame really***

***UPDATE***
This podcast was taken down for a bit, because it was suggested to me that Mandy and I could be subject to legalish stuff if I left it up as is. I still think that this is an important conversation. It might be just one woman's experience and opinion, but it's a story and I think it's important to tell people's stories and gain perspective of what other people go through. And also, this is my town and ain't no one gonna tell me what to do. So names have been removed and this baby is back up.

LISTEN TO IT HERE

What we talk about in this episode:

• Mandy's experience in having a step mum and now being one

• The first time Mandy met her step children

• The progression of Mandy's relationship with her step children

• Parenting teenagers in a blended family

• Mandy's parenting style

• Societies view on step mum's

• Mandy's story

• Sympathizing with step mum's

• On being an adult and sucking it up

• What I have recently learnt about my parents divorce

• About dealing with difficult personalities

• When ego ruins your life

• Why being a step mum is the thing she is most proud of

• Parenting from a places of fear vs authenticity

• Raising children in this day and age

• About tying your self worth up in being a mum

• Tying our identities up on one thing

• About drawing boundaries

On being a mum and step-mum.

"I can wholeheartedly say that the love for my children, biological or not, is the same, but the experience is different"

"People's reactions to you have a lot more to do with their insecurities"

"Being a step-mum is the most amazing thing I have ever done and ever will do, and that includes being a mum."

"I'm not "the mum" but I'm the mum in our house, and there's a very big difference."

One Small Step:

It's time for you to think about what type of mum and step mum you want to be and talk about it with your partner and get on the same page.

Do you. Be who you want to be with those kids and in our own house.

And remember that it's not about you, but just be you.

And your super power would be....

More Patience. With myself and with whats happening around me.

Resources

• Mandy and my first conversation

• Mandy and my Facebook live video talking parenting

• The article we talk about that Mandy shared on her facebook page

Where to find Mandy

Website

Facebook

Instagram